All she gave me for breakfast was raw toast. How can she expect me to eat raw toast?
You mean bread?
I wish we never smoked. I'm literally laying in bed opening and closing my eyes, just hoping a hot dog stand will appear in the room.
Currently bar hopping with 30 Navy SEALS. I know i'm safe but damn its hard to pick up chicks when you feel like a big pussy.
There are regrets in my world today- mostly jager at that fucking altitude
how was it?
he was petting the bushes because they were "napkins"
I'm drinking Leinenkugel through a Red Vine. I'm not drunk. I'm just happy with my life so far.
I have so much boob sweat I could bathe a baby
I'm just gonna get real fat and join the circus.
Annnnd I didn't even notice there is a guy dancing in a jock strap beside me. That explains girls smiling at me
We woke up at 7:30am. We got a 30 rack, yelled at all the freshman shackers walkin back to their dorms, played a game of beer die, and boned all before 11:00am. I found my soulmate
He sent me a poorly photoshopped picture of his shaved dick wearing a Hot Dog on A Stick titled "Shorndog"...
Who the fuck stole my fridge again
My neighbour just came round to ask why we posted a spatula through his door at 3am. What do I tell him??
does anyone know where bryan is?
last i saw he was naked, and crying in the bathroom because there was no more booze.
You asked me how red your eyes were... they were shut.
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