I just saw a girl play flip cup with only her tongue
I'm in love
Yah, I definitely wouldn't wanna be fingered with a fake arm...
Oh if I trust ANYTHING about you it's your ability to lead a douchebag around by the dick
When the shrooms kicked in we both simultaneously realized we were not the right puzzle piece for the dubstep puzzle.
We made eye contact and were like we are not welcome here, the ravers are onto us and we need to get the fuck out before we get shuffled upon
Whatever. I hate you. My vagina hates you. I hope a bird shits on your head today.
Why is there puke in my guitar?
Because you puked in your guitar.
the dude in the apartments across the street got a video of me railing blake on your front steps last night
shit like this is why i dont let you drink vodka anymore ..
Do you have pictures of my pancakes
I need to show the world
They are the pancake equivalent of eventual wife
It's rum buckets o'clock
I'm going to have to include Angry Orchard in my thesis acknowledgements
Only you could make a reflective vest look even remotely sexy
I'm laying in my bed in the fetal position with a bag of frozen peas on my head and the bathroom trashcan next to me. Fucking tequila.
Dude, I'm at a wedding and there's a mashed potato bar and bacon strip appetizers. I'm getting all emotional.
Dude you came into the room last night soak and wet and told me you just took a shit in the shower
You know how fear has a smell? Well turns out shame has a smell too. It's Pina colada flavored anal grease.
Randomize
