Got a plan. Ill do rock paper scissors and if you win we smoke a joint. Throw rock.
im dirt poor will suck dick for halloween costume
Thanks for stealing lime trees for me at 4:00 am. We're well on our way to having sustainable supplies for mojitos this summer.
The amount of pregnancy tests I've taken in my life is unhealthy
The fact that I am sitting home writing a resume while you're out inducing vomiting makes me feel like way more of an adult than I'm ready to be.
I feel like I can hear facebook. What did we smoke?
She had caution tape on her head and she blew me.
She described me as " a caterpillar of adorable quietness that exploded into a slutty butterfly" She definitely nailed it there
Side note. I love it when I think I've sobered up and then I get a second wind of drunk
I just added a bunch of arbitrary options to my ouija board. Ghosts can now tell me "cheddar," "the homosexual agenda," "the whole foods vegan aisle," or "viable offspring"
So yeah, turns out I enjoy vaguely public group sex. Who knew?
Bourbon is too strong for my cat, he does not want to drink it
He asked me to fly out to Seattle to participate in a week of marathon sex so I'm at the airport now. I'll call you when I get back.
I blacked out. Broke into their house. Took a shit, and left. This is why you can't leave me unattended.
Weird. And pubic lice are now endangered so your hairy balls can rest easy
Randomize
