Just heard the garage door open and I immediately sprinted to the laptop to erase history, even though I haven't watched porn today...I believe Pavlov now.
so explain to me why i woke up in jail this morning
because you opened a jar or pickles and a bag of fritos and layed down in the middle of aisle 7 while singing 'la cucaracha'
no more ever clear
you handed the cop a condom last night and said "it's all about protect and serve right?"
Well someone named our apartment "the eiffel tower" on facebook check-in so I think they know..
Couple in the hotel room next to me keep fucking. When I hear her get close I call the room wait for them to stop and hang up. If I'm not getting any tonight then no one should.
Hmmm. I never knew the difference. I've done either one and had stronger or weaker versions but usually if i took enough, i tripped balls. That should be a PSA for kids... if you take drugs and the drugs are weak, just take more drugs... The More You Know
I feel that my cleavage set an unattainably high bar for 2013.
come home. I need you. I'm too hungover to deal with this hangover alone
At the end of the night i was really thirsty and tied to a bedpost
He compared my ass to "a 13 year old track star's ass." Umm WTF? Is that supposed to be a compliment? And when I questioned boy or girl he said "either."
I love her so much I can forgive her for wearing crocs
I'm having shoppers remorse over a dildo
Now I’m honestly wondering if I took this kids virginity
You kept apologizing to your car for talking behind its back
I’m the skeleton in his closet, but I only come out on Tuesday and Thursday afternoon and when his wife is out of town
Randomize
