you didnt say anything until i brought it up today. i guess i misjudged your maturity.
I guess I misjudged your gender.
Good face, no body. And apparently her vagina is related to chewbaca.
I have no idea what her name is. I only remember putting my dick between her ass cheeks.
A guy in a big stork costume just came to our meeting to give us condoms and t-shirts telling us not to get pregnant. Only at college
you made sure you came back for your bottle of vodka but didn't remember to take your shoes
Sorry I didn't take you making out with him all night as a hint you wanted nothing to do with him...
Today needs to die. The mail delivery guy watched me throw up in my yard while taking my chihuahua out in Christmas pajamas at noon. Low point in my life.
Before we fucked we both mutually agreed not to tweet about it.
I might as well rub my vagina against it before I throw it away.
We can do this. We've been drunk at a gay bar, we will not be taken down by a Tuesday.
I bought a vibrating wall dildo with my tax return. You?
Here's a concept though: eating pasta while getting laid
I traded some nice guy at the bar ten bucks and a pack of cigarettes for his leather jacket. I'm pretty sure I win at life. Whoever is in my phone as Tyler Durden, I thank you.
Oh man I missed being single! Two different guys just sent me dick pics during my kid’s little league game.
within five minutes of being here her dog found my vibrator in my bedroom and was carrying it around all proud! and her mom is here. so embarrassing :(
Randomize
