I just made what I can safely estimate to be a 900 calorie pb&j. Fuck a serving size.
Wow that was a lesbian tornado.
He got punched in the face, dropped his laptop down a flight of stairs, and broke his roommate's lava lamp, getting all the toxic lava goo everywhere. This is why we don't let him get drunk. And yet here we are.
He fucked a girl named Oreo... He deserved syphilis.
Bro, the freshmen are smoking in the park again, do you need ammo for ur paintball gun?
Here's my first problem: I'm drunk
Just saw a couple chasing each other on lawn mowers. Oh South Knoxville.
My boss brought her husband's telescope to work, so all of us that work in the MMJ Dispensary got high and had an impromptu Blood Moon viewing party. I love my job.
You can't talk like Dr. Evil to me five minutes after the greatest orgasm of my life.
I apparently asked the cab driver to show us his dick and then he showed me a picture of his girlfriend
And I'm laying here struggling with the notion that I need to put pants on.
Will you remind me I changed my hotspot phone password to fuckyouprivilegedwhitedude
Just to clarify, i'm coming over for tacos not a threesome
these past three weeks have been a real "fuck you" to my liver
i was in class looking for a pencil and found a chicken strip in my back pack. i think i might have a problem.. sad thing is i ate it
Randomize
