ally, we are sitting by a fire and you are totally hot. no pun intended
Can someone please explain to me why I woke up looking like Ziggy Stardust
I thought I would take a shower to wake me up but now I'm naked wet and stoned laying on my bed instead of just stoned laying on my bed
I am a human short and spout . Here is my jager Herr is my redbull . When i get real drink i shout out. Tip me over and pour yeager out
Apparently I took one a huge picture off the wall at the bar and was walking around dancing with it..
I am 48% hangover, 48% bruises and 2% fingers I'm texting with.
Hey..um, you dont know me, but I just found your purse in a bush at the end of my street this morning
If I don't have the money by then, I'll pay you in sex.
It's going to be 23.5 times of sex and 19 blow jobs. I just googled it.
today i was walking through gramercy with a dress bag from David's Bridal and a bag of McDonald's. No guy would make eye contact with me as I scarfed down my fries. I think I was mankind's walking night terror.
WHY WOULD YOU SWIPE RIGHT???!!!!!
The same reason I ordered and ate almost an entire pizza last night
If there's anything else you're planning on stealing from me, please let me know so I can set it on fire
You know it was a good night when you wake up w/o a shirt in someone elses living room next to a pancake on a spoon in a bowl of spaghetti.
I haven't gotten this high alone in a long time. I keep looking at the cat waiting for her to say something.
I'm about to take plan-b with a glass of wine and ramen noodles. I cannot decide who will hurt more...my vagina, my kidneys or my pride.
dude im trying to eat his ass so can you stop for 10 minutes
Randomize
