Tip for today: never try to fart and swallow at the same time. You'll end up choking on whatever you are currently swallowing and shit yourself from the freakout of choking.
no one will drink with you if you continue to listen to beyonce
Just did a line with a monopoly bill. Tell me I'm not fancy.
I'm pretty sure God is rooting for me with this two gf thing
This escort grabbed my boyfriends ass and it became clear, he fucked pretty much anything he could find prior to dating me.
The background of my phone is you taped to the wall wearing a cowboy hat
EVERYONE IS SPEAKING SPANISH. I ONLY KNOW HOLA.
I had 2 bags of iv saline fuilds for brunch and the buffet at the strip club for dinner. happy easter.
are you just inviting me because you can't afford an actual stripper?
I seriously want to say to him "Do you know how many blow jobs you could have gotten this summer?"
Someone explain why I'm twerking in my bathroom right now before a charity run
Let's play the game let's see how long Kayla can be sober
Possibly threw up in my purse last night. Still suspicious of of all actions
I'm sorry that running around town like a frenetic wombat trying to find you KY jelly isn't good enough for you.
we f'd six times
f'd?
its sunday, i cant say fucked
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