We had sex on my friends waterbed ..after that the whole school kept asking him if he had fun getting "sea-sick" last night.
You ruined his night from a different state? Impressive.
I'm at work, still drunk. Can you turn on the radio? If the station goes off the air I passed out. Can't get fired. Haven't slept yet.
Im only pretending to be his friend so I can sleep with his girlfriend.
we need to find an occasion to wear tutus
So we get back to the hotel room and Tom strips off his clothes... His first sexual act as my fiance? Helicopter dick. I gave him a high five.
Masturbated before I came into work and now the finger scanner won't clock me in. Fuck Valentines Day.
At least is you came to Milwaukee to visit me you'd get the best mind blowing sex of your life and free wifi. Who doesn't want free wifi!
COME HERE AND I WILL SUCK YOUR COCK UNDER THE LIGHT OF THIS BEAUTIFUL ELECTRICITY
I've decided to have sex with him one more time to make sure I don't like him
Ethically, this is the worst thing I've ever done. Financially, however...
All I'm wearing right now is a condom and a sock.
Just one?
Yup. One sock.
No he doesn’t answer my texts except for like on New Year’s Because like I was fucked up on New Year’s and he said happy new year and I told him the same and I called him dragonslayer and you can’t really recover from that
She's throwing a party for a guy that just got out of rehab?
My roommate's overnight guest is screaming about the dog licking his asshole. I need a new place to live.
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