She looked like a pterodactyl.....but dude i love dinosaurs
i came home at 4 a.m. and made a dozen eggs and three lbs. of bacon. my mom woke up and the only thing she was pissed about was that i used the whole carton of eggs, but then she sat down and ate with me
i don't even specifically remember last night, it's just one big wonderful lesbianic blur.
I was also standing on my bed with a road cone pounding on the ceiling at 3am. Not sure why
Found: medium sized pair of mens pants tucked inside my purse w/ a dry cleaners coupon in left pocket. Call if you wish to claim the coupon
I'm not drunk enough to eat silly string
I was kind of torn between "Wow, this is awkward," and "Wow, my therapist is hung."
Hungover, threw up in a cosmetic case in my car this morning. This is real life.
Do you know how hard it is to be while you're high with a chuck Norris poster in the bathroom?
My mom wants to name our new dog the same name as my fuck buddy. This will be weird
I started crying during a meeting at work and now I'm sitting on my couch drinking boxed wine at 1:30 in the afternoon. Fuck you too estrogen.
Double dirt bag award winner tonight. He picked me up in his wife's car.
I was sitting here smiling wondering why i'm so fucking happy at work. cookie has kicked in
My vagina knows your penis is sad about Andrew Luck. You should come over and let her comfort him in his time of need
It'd be good to change things up a bit, right now the only public service I'm doing from my apt is hanging out in my underwear with the lights on.
Randomize
