good penises are hard to come by.... must be the economy...
he keeps his weed in a birkenstock shoe box. its like, we get it, youre from oregon.
Can you come over to my place and make up for the crap you called sex yesterday?
Good morning to you
You obviously dont comprehend the level of insane i operate at
The police report said that there were 25 cases of bud light, two hookers fighting in the street, 13 cop cars, and two road blocks, a kid got tazered, another got maced, and over a hundred people in the house
So that means its a bad thing that your dad found it huh?
She face-timed me on the toilet. My dick is never going to recover from that.
Why are you there anyways?
Pickin up ball pit balls from craigslist
Because it's not worth it. And there is no nice way of saying "sorry, you're not good enough at sex for me to drive 45 mins"
He kept sending me videos of his dogs while I was trying to masturbate. At what point does getting vagina-block apply?
I had sex with him and I blame the Doritos
I'm still hammered too. I started tweeting the time at one point I'm pretty sure.
Why the fuck is there raw bacon in my bra. I don't even have a stove.
guess who smoked weed with their grandpa tonight. and no it wasn't me.
How was I supposed to know the accent was fake before i slept with him
he broke off the kiss to ask "can I grab your boob?" like props for asking for clear and concise consent but there HAS to be a sexier way to do it
Randomize
