yo i just woke up i feel so weird, and the absolut is still fill, so is the 30, what the fuck did we drink last night man? And will you please come out of the bathroom.
Bro... we didn't even hang out last night??
i miss vodka and anonymity. college is so rich in both. in college we are a many armed creature, lubricated with beer and sex.
sometimes when i'm walking through campus i wonder how many of these people have seen me puke
That adds atleast one bjs worth of awkward sexual tension between us.
successfully started a charcoal grill with 2 shots of everclear and some aluminum foil. i never wanna leave here
He tried eating fireworks, to stop him being hungover in the morning. Where do you keep finding these people?!
that's like... drinking popov and saying its the worlds best vodka. you gotta try some others first. THERE SHOULD BE A MISS AMERICA PAGEANT. but like, mr penis. and they can do tricks and make unintelligent remarks and wear sparkly condoms.
trying to figure out why the only thing in our freezer is an expired loaf of bread, a white t shirt, and a receipt from taco bell for 37.50 from last Friday
At 27 it's no longer called 'slutty', it's called having a healthy sex life...
We went the strip club and out of no where the waitress brings him over a quesadilla and a jäger bomb and says your usual!! He swore he had never been there before
This morning he fucked me while I was brushing my teeth. So I kept brushing as he thrusted. Then I brushed his teeth with my toothbrush while he was still in me. So hygienic.
you went to ralph's and bought all of their pears and left them outside my house
I just turned down the best booty call of my life because I have to make a cheesecake. I guess this is growing up.
Drunk me commented on almost all of her pictures. My favorite one is titled "be as the sea". My comment is "cold, rough, large and letting anyone come inside you. you accomplished." Guessing I'm not invited to the party anymore.
Then he asked if he could pee on me and things really went downhill
Randomize
