I'm cheating on the girl I'm cheating on my girlfriend with
You just took 4 shots. 2 of them were maple syrup.
i just remembered that i beat off next to you while we were naked and passed out next to each other after last night... No Homo
whats a more ladylike way to say "fuck me on your lunch break"?
Woke up with a retainer in my boxers and about ten chicks passed out around me. now I feel like something out of Cinderella, trying to find whose teeth fit in the glass retainer.
ew. I made a sandwich, and the cheese reminded me of her vagina
he had to chose between the booze and condoms
what did he choose?
the booze, then looked at me and said, plan b is free right?
wait one more day. tuesday is my official "i hit on you and/or we hooked up this weekend" friend request day.
i saw a stretcher and literally ran around for 10 minutes telling people it wasnt for me
They let you pick the name that they announce for you at graduation. The professional world needs to prepare itself for papa smurf mcdonald.
I take back everything I said about communal showers
Think of it this way, instead of a puppy, we're getting a baby.
I took an uber home at 6am. Went to Santanas, apparently they don't take american express. So the uber driver bought my burrito. Success!
It feels so wrong having a picture of my tits next to a picture of my daughter.
Whenever someone said no you would yell "Die Motherfucker." Kind of like some twisted drinking game.
Randomize
