you kept yelling something about watching the muppets chirstmas carol and trying to turn the t.v. on with your car keys
but i have a bet that her boyfriend is going to try and deflower her tonight so i better get a move on if i want to videotape it
Apparently I confessed my love for him last night. Also, my love for cash4gold commercials.
I just used dish soap as body wash. I smell like a dishwasher exploded. isn't the end of the semester fun?
christmas break will be like the 25 days of orgasms
There's a mouse. In the house. By the cans. With some pans. Release the cat. To eat his hat. Sorry about the mess. Of my breakfest.
No but seriously, there's a fucking mouse in the house by the beer cans
Wait is it okay if I still want to fuck the whole USA swim team or is that only acceptable during the Olympics?
Just got assigned a beer bong as hw in fluids to demonstrate the inverse of pascals principle. I love this prof
You kept saying "this bitch", mumbled incoherently for like 5 minutes, took a shot, and kept going.
my goal for the rest of college is to escape STD free. fuck getting a job. this is more important.
Do we have to do this party tonight? I'm worried my bed will miss me...
After he finished he laid there and told me how much work that just was. I looked at him and told him not to ruin a good thing by opening his mouth.
He stopped in the middle of us fucking so he could turn on lithuanian techno music. And the sad thing is that it was the best sex of my life.
Omfg I just White Claw shamed a Girl Scout Cookie mom and I feel SO BAD.
I just bought two 8 Balls of Coke from the chick nurse that stitched my leg together in the ER after my bike accident last summer.
Randomize
