I think tonya harding is in my dwi class!
Ask her how she and Jeff Gillooly split the cats after the divorce.
Things I find upon waking: a gay man, a straight girl both clad in web bathing suits, a full bathtub, an empyt bottle of jamesons at the bottom and a scuba mask
Some man just said he would jack off to my hair color.
they need to just BURY HIM!
True Life: I hate vaginal excretions
We have to talk through the words with friends chat so his gf won't find out
i'll probably be on drugs forewarning
forewarning i'll probably have done those drugs with you
woke up in a random sweater in a random bed in a random house on a street I don't recognize..
also, I vaguely remember swapping shirts with some random guy on the dance floor.
Today's walk of shame includes last nights hair and make up, an 8 hour shift, me leading a meeting and me throwing up in a parking lot on my way to work. Dear world, you're welcome.
Cancun blessed me with a drinking problem
Just a suggestion, don't apricot scrub your vagina.
Why do all the Father's Day cards talk about what a great dad they are? Why can't there be one that says something like "Thanks for sticking it to mom and making me possible, your sperm was appreciated."
Valentine's Day is now to be known as Tacos and Orgasms Day.
You should have just fucked me in the bathroom when you had a chance!
I am no longer embarassed by my vagina
It concerns why you would be in the first place, but I'd rather not know
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