You can call me Bill Clinton. I brought 2 good looking Asians home last night.
At beerfest, hammered, going to try to not get naked in public but i cant make any promises
I dont know, but the way you were flopping around and gurgling made me scared that you were actually drowning in the carpet.
We saluted the chips to the national anthem before cooking them. The house has to get a munchies fryer
Do you have any idea how hard it is to hit on your nurse while getting an HIV test.
Sincerely would love to tap that, on a mountain with the wind blowing on your pubes .
my heart is telling me chinese, but my head is telling me beer.
He just remixed a spongebob song with 2 chainz..... Clearly I love him
Bring scissors.....i think im gonna have to be cut out of this damn jockstrap
She told me she's dating him because his apartment is a block from Taco Bell. I don't know how she's not fat.
Super stoned right now. And I stared at my exit, thought to myself "hey self. That is your exit" and I kept driving right past it.
I'm about to ride on a tractor i have no time for you
He walked in wearing nothing but a WWF belt and yelled "THE CHAMP... IS... HEEERE!!!"
I should probably eat a Plan B. Pill for breakfast. Happy Halloween.
So apparently I’m into choking now
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