When you told me you were coming to my show, I didn't know you were bringing Satan and Brokeback Mountain with you.
I got my nipple pierced! I love it so much!
Well, there goes breastfeeding.
I think you're the first person to ever call Louisville, KY a "romantic getaway".
I want to get so wasted that I make middle aged irish men look like mormon girls
I hit a bug from across the room with my flip flop boomerang style. That awesome.
I really couldn't tell if she was disgusted with the fact that I yacked on her shoes, or if she was about to do the same to me.
I think I pulled my groin stumbling back from the bar. That or the hippo I woke up next to.
My last google search was 'bulk asian wives' I don't know either
He ripped off my pantyhose and all I could think was, "oh no those were clinic-appropriate!" That's what I get for ditching a continuing education meeting to go hook up with my scuba instructor.
That money I left you should go to the stripper that fell asleep in your bed. Sorry
Every single person in NY is either baking, drinking, or photographing their cat. Reporting live from Instagram.
Is there a word in the English dictionary for impressed, yet disgusted?
I think the word you're looking for is flabbergasted.
Suspicion confirmed. my mom has her nipples pierced
Way to crack the case Nancy Drew
Of course, it's a law of friendship. "Thy friend Shalt always hold hatred for thine friend's swinish ex"
ugh my stomach is so upset-- didn't get a chance to take a violent enough hangover shit at work
Randomize
