So my professor just changed my Final to 7:45am on May 6th. Shouldn't a Spanish professor understand the implications of Cinco de Mayo???
remember last night when you and I took turns yelling THIS IS HUGE in my dogs faces? I love wine night.
He said I was almost as good as the wheel chair sex he had the night before. Apparently I just cant compete with 4 wheels
So are you still down for me to come stay with you and just have sex on vicodin all weekend?
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He somehow pantsed the bouncer and tipped him over before cartwheeling and skipping away? Help me find him.
Wow i don't think I've had to send this many texts apologizing for my behavior since high school...
You asked to borrow my glasses for a moment. Then you whipped them at someone's head.
I'm not trying to take your husband away from you, but can we have another 3way soon? I'm just desperate for good dick.
I came back from England with a face tattoo and the only thing anyone can talk about is my beard.
Afternoon delight is playing while I take a shit at mcdonalds
Of course the sales lady was judging you, you bought a pregnancy test, ky jelly, diet pills and a 6 pack of red bull. Even i'm judging you.
you know its getting late when the "nevers" are turning into "maybe"
you're not celebrating your 21st birthday right unless you give a male stripper a hand job, flash the bartender, and win a free vibrator.
If you fucking touch my phone and text people, drunk or sober, ever again, i will shove a swizle stick up your pee hole.
help. his tongue is stuck. Its not what you think. Hurry.
Randomize
