You kept screaming how great you were at drawing poptarts and you insisted on drawing them all over my forearm
He made off the wall shots in beer pong, stuck the girls dog in a cooler, and played with swords with her mom. I wish I got his name
Have u seen my thong? Last time i saw it was drenched in vodka and on his brothers broken lamp.
Nah but tell him his boxers made it to the basement
Like really my mothers day gift is a pic of his dick
Out of desperation, I used the leftover sauce from my goat masala as a mixer for vodka shots.
He purred while eating me out. HE PURRED AND I LIKED IT.
I just started talking about my sextoy because I wanted things to be normal again.
I told her I didn't have a condom. She then sized me with her thumb and finger and tossed me a large. Then I asked her to marry me.
I inhaled my own vomit, how was your night?
I guess the wine stains on your shirt and the $2 vodka tonics you're sweating out just scream, "Welcome to DC, please ask me for directions."
Jenn from HR called him the new office boy toy. I think I need to bathe in bleach.
he sent me a green and gold dick pic and advised me I needed to come drive the snake from Ireland.
That wasn't even sex. That was a fuckoning
...did you just create a word for what we did?
the fact that your 21st birthday is also new years eve is pretty much a death sentence
Probably some sort of karmic revenge for me looking at titties somewhere along the way
and for that you shall suffer
God: I won't strike you down, but I shall introduce your child to Doja Cat during a quarantine
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