i felt like cinderella. except at midnight i turned back into a whore.
Is it bad that when I see ugly people make out, I hope he's impotent?
but instead of smelling like hand cream and homemade cookies, she smells like a yeast infection.
I love you. And by the way. I found out a way for you to train your gag reflex. Elliot taught us in math.
It was literally the size of a half eaten tic tac.
It's 8 am and he's already trying to get me to make out with a girl.
When i asked him what happened all he said was, the toucan... the toucan... over and over again.
his penis is PERFECT
I want to put it in a shoebox and place cottonbls around it to protect it from any harm
or knit it little hat
I hope you remember pushing the girl off the stage because you said she wasn't good at pole dancing.
It was smashing those cupcakes into my face that did it. Junk food and I don't mix.
Hey. Hey you. Just wanted to let you know that I'm adorable. FUCKING ADORABLE. That is all. This update brought to you by our proud sponsor bud light.
Now that we have successfully procreated, I need to know we are on the same page. Please tell me you are aware that there are whole seasons of our lives that our child can NEVER be made privy to.
We should probably write this down. That's a shit load of shit.
it's just not right when you're boyfriend has a nicer ass than you do.
I just put vodka in my apple sauce. Spice up your fucking life.
I'm dancing with a sandwich I just made cause I'm so happy how delicious it tastes, that high haha
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