Locked eyes w/ her at mainstreet, and said 'yeah yeah get it!' From there we started violently making out on the dancefloor (I had a FULL boner, ps) and then I got her number
You know you think of me naked too
Not since I found Jesus
I've been congratulating people on facebook about their forthcoming pregnancies. I can't wait to see how this plays out
You said that we had to leave the party together and proceeded to repeat the "ducks fly together" speech from The Mighty Ducks word for word. Soon the whole party was quite and started chanting quack..quack...quack..
New rule : you aren't allowed anything . Ever .
You owe me $8 for the carwash I needed after you threw the salmon on my windshield.
Seriously, I want to give you a plaque thanking you for your dedicated service to my vagina.
The staples of my diet are Labatt Blue, Xanax, and brick cheese.
I should have never moved out...
Well, I guess that's how life goes for my dad. One minute you're walking with your cooler on the afterglow of a Lynyrd Skynyrd concert, the next you find your grown son choking out a drunk redneck against your pickup truck.
We took your mom out drinking and we wound up winning 18 games of Flip Cup. You have amazing genetics.
Do you want me to add this to the list of actions I will state at your intervention
I just tripped over a but plug that was on the floor. It's 430 in the morning
I thought we agreed to no sexting at the school bake sale...
Y’all did coke off my Puff The Magic Dragon plate.😂
Chaz got drunk and passed out so we superglued a kazoo to his mouth. Listening to him Panic when he woke up was fucking hilarious.
Randomize
