What I'm saying is Afghanistan is America's sexually contracted disease.
i'm high and 74% sure there's a monster in my closet
you shall refer to me as my indian name from now on...running with dumb cunts
I've been at work 30 min broke a paper towel holder a chair set a box on fire and fell down twice. Hungover Brian just reached a new level
I peed on his girlfriend's loofah during our post-sex shower.
There's always a certain something about a day that begins with your panties in your purse.
Let me refresh your memory. New Year's Eve in the back of my car you grabbed my hand and said feel my tumor on my butthole and at that moment I swear we were infinite
i feel like when you brought up the possibility of you getting pregnant the sexting is over
Started the 4th with a foursome. I don't know if it gets more festive than that. #MERICA
I just interrupted this girl giving a dude head in a parked car on the south side. Going down on your guy while you're parked in front of your house because you don't want your parents catching you is fine by me, just don't block the fire hydrant.
Had to lock my cat in the bathroom so I could masturbate in peace.
Gez, you make a couple noises and all of the sudden your the loud girl.
Holy fuck, my entire boob is bruised! Lierally my boob is just one big bruise.
DIBS on your mom for my beer pong partner.
There’s a child, alone, sitting on a picnic table out there, making bird noises
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