My underwear smells like fireworks.
Anywhere you can eat green eggs and ham, you can have sex.
i'm at the gym and so are four guys who have seen my tits. i need winter break.
If i'm not hungover, near death, and wondering what i did the night before on Monday, life is not worth living.
I looked at him all bewildered and he said, "what? I figured if it was under 30 seconds it'd be free."
What's the most polite way to ask if you puked in my vase?
It's very clear that i'm the girl sweating out four lokos at 2 in the afternoon at the gym
So I just learned that my father was teaching me rules for drinking games when I was 5.
We don't have a ruler. Come downstairs and lay in the snow with a boner so we can see how much snow we've gotten. Put your 8 inches to a less shameful use.
If you were a real friend you would have told me you saw me in a porno despite how awkward of a convo it is. You act like I should always know when I'm being recorded.
I could have made money off of that but no you had to wait 2 years to drunkenly tell me this shit.
Tonights drinking will be celebratory and victorious. Picture the end of The Mighty Ducks set to beer.
But if you were going to pour a liquid on your naked body in fall its definitely pumpkin inspired something.
Why am I the only one golf clapping for the vomiting girl on the train who just fell of her seat into her own vomit
You have ruined sex with him for me. Now all I think is "boy scout" and I want to go home
I want to respect them as people, but really I just want to have sex with them.
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