I woke up at 11 this morning in my car parked in front of the bar.
I know, I tried to wake you up, but I couldnt. So I walked home
i just practiced my bj skills on a banana in front of the mirror
its going to be a good night
I don't appreciate you drunk dressing passed-out me in spandex for bed
She's locked herself in the bathroom with a tub of icecream and she's watching my little pony on her phone. We know it cause she sings with them.
Did you just buzz the apartment and throw shit at the window? Josh and rob came into my room and woke me up
Fuck you Ian. U owe me $3.65 cuz thasts what I thfrew at ur window trying to wake ur ass up. And fuck u for not giving a shit
also, the amount of semen in my carpet right now is unforgivable...
I think I'm still a little drunk from Sunday Funday and I just changed for a date in my car. wish me luck.
Qdoba locked their bathrooms last night.. I suppose so people didn't pee all over them? I considered it counter productive considering I just peed on the outside of their building then. I had to pee
See? I told you no boy in roller skates could be entirely straight.
Lol I wish they went straight to your cock then shot out into my mouth like a cock nacho dispenser
Alas my dad DD'd me. Legit cock blocked to the highest degree
I puked in the back of my mom's new car because I had too much to drink at Chilis. I think I just hit rock bottom.
He stuck a cigarette in my butt last night. There is no coming back from that.
The cashier looked at my basket, looked at me and said "That's a lot of wine." I looked at her and said "Mother in law." She nodded approvingly.
Haha! I swear, it's like I'm talking to Buddha with a slutty agenda. You are so full of wisdom.
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