can you have the cops turn on the gps locator on my phone...i just woke up in a Hooters uniform and I have no idea where I am...
So she couldn't stop dragging her teeth while she was blowing me.
Ahh dude, that fucking sucks, what'd you do about it?
Decided to drag my teeth while eating her out... She got the point.
why did i wake up to an event notice that says "Shit Just Got Real"?
Do you think if Santa was real that he's have a big penis?
I found out what happened to my eye. I punched myself in the face.
Drag queen told me that I have the cheek bones to do drag. That's supposed to boost my moral.
Leaving your birthday party to engage in a threesome IS allowed. I checked the rule book.
If throwing a bottle across the bar, hitting a skank in the head and not getting caught was an Olympic event, you'd bring merica the gold every time
Our apt smells like hot shit marinated in oregano and cumin. No more taco truck dinner, fuck face. The wall paper is peeling.
I told her my blood type was O Positive and we started making out. Bio majors are weird.
So how does one go about leaving their family vacation to hang out with someone they met on tinder
Is it illegal to hookup with your fathers god child?
woke up with 8 used magnum condoms bound together by floss around my neck, thats about all im gonna tell you.
Well Jon got a DUI sleeping in the back seat so I thought the trunk was safer. BUT WHO CARES WHY JUSE PLEASE COME LET ME OUT!
Hhhaaa He said Peanutburter disinfect lol. Like peanut butter can disinfect stuff. None of those guys are safe
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