dude, I'm watching paul blart mall cop. I have better things to do than listen to you whine about your recent divorce.
Today's life lesson: fat girls should not wear tight miniskirts and vinyl leggings. This Forever 21 salesgirl is a hot mess.
I'm sorry i'm just too high to handle anything besides pirates of the caribbean right now.
it doesn't count as moral degradation if you win the strip off -right?
i'm pleased to announce i can now open a bottle of wine with my shoe if called upon to do so.
hey did I tally my arm again of # of shots?
nope, you were tallying rejections at the party
No need to clean the puke on the driveway. The squirrel is eating it up.
you just kept yelling "siddle that plaza" til the cab driver said it back...
I have a cup of vodka in my bathroom with a straw in it. Yes, I am ready for this bikini wax.
No more stories ab the wkend for co-workers... No one else found "and I didn't have pants on when I got home Saturday night" as funny as I did.
It started with a wedding, followed by a drag show, and ended with Trevor getting punched in the face by the bouncer. How was your weekend?
Not too bad but came home early cuz business was shut down due to an employee sexually harrassing the inspector
The struggle bus has heated seats and stops at Dunkin on Friday mornings so I'll be okay.
Once again, marijuana saves me from going to jail
u would mumble something and then get unnecessarily loud and say random shit like 'id fuck the shit out of taylor hanson right now'
Randomize
