Spotted: Pepto Bismol pink Scion with Ed Hardy sticker on front window, air freshener, and seat covers. Total Douchette Mobile.
I knew I shouldn't have slept with her...my dick looks like a stegosaurus tail
every time i get drunk at her place i end up leaving with nothing but an empty box of toaster strudels..
They were so slutty we had to play "rarely have I ever."
Just wanna let u know that we are almost on the pity blow job level of our friendship.
I wonder if i could put a dildo on my bike seat to encourage me to exercise.
I gave the guy a $20 tip on a $9 cab ride, he thought I was just bad at math but I was really just incredibly thankful to be alive and home.
I was like "don't worry, I'm a math major and you deserve the shit out of that 222% tip"
Everyone is speaking Spanish and this 300 hundred pound chick is talking about the time she got out of prison... Fuck this place
YOUR DICK HAS BEEN IN ME I DO NOT WANT TO BE SET UP TO MEET YOUR FRIENDS
They said you bought the guy a shot and was talking about being Greek and then all of the sudden just puked all in their pitcher of beer and got kicked out of the bar.
direct quote from andrew "you know i can't hear when i drink whiskey"
It's national "dress up your pet day" come over. Drugs and dressed up cats..it's the shit dreams are made of.
If you don't turn up on horseback dressed like a highwayman I am not having sex with you today
Apparently I was carrying around a bottle of listerine calling it 5 loco
lord you gonna make me abandon my soup for tasteful catboy nudes
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