so her cute freckles turned out to be blackheads
remember last year when i left for the bar in flip flops and came back in heels?
it happened again.
Even his old football coach jokes about how big it is. I don't want to be alone in a room with him and that monster.
You're a disgrace to the female race and the love triangle and halloween.
Better than road-head. Just got model-home-head. Also got a disapproving scowl of judgment from the realtor on the way out.
This should be a warning to men everywhere: do not send pictures of your erect penis to women you hardly know - they will add cats and send them to all of their friends.
Just paid off my possession ticket on 4/20. Helloooo awesome.
C'mon pople!!! THursday afternoon isnot gonna drinkin itself!!!
There were grown college boys running around north campus in capes with nerf guns. If security were to be called I think they would just give them more beer.
He's against "violent sex" cause apparently my body is "sacred". Like dude I'm about to tell you about blowing your brother just so you'll fuck me like an animal Jesus Christ....
I may or have may not just taken a swig out of a jar of alfedo sauce in my fridge. Dont judge me
Woke up pants less in the vacant apartment across the hall. It was unlocked because they were showing it to someone. When they walked in I woke up and said "this is a great place to live" and walked out
I'm not sure how to explain it, but I feel like our penises have a connection. Like long lost brothers. We're not even gay.
We've been taking shots, cranking Marilyn Manson, and eating your bacon. Your kid is probably ruined.
i'm bringing homemade birthday cake and homegrown weed. how awesome is this text?
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