community service is like the breakfast club... except we're all the criminal.
I was in bed at 845. Affairs take a lot out of people
Fuck winter. I had to scrape my windshield, shoeless, after the walk of shame so I could go home.
im trying to find a facebook picture of him that doesnt make me regret sleeping with him. its not working
Most sexually ambiguous night of my life. Kept switching from the NBA finals to the Tonys.
mary just dropped the yahtzee dice in her wine. and shes throwin em like shes on a craps table.
hahahaha slap the bag.
he was spitting whole peanuts projectile out of his mouth at the waitresses as they walked by and then yelled across the restaurant that he had "no problem kicking any of their asses"
OHMYGOD did I try to use pinesol as a mixer?
I feel like I just tasted lung cancer.
I wore a firefighters hat and drank beer all night. They had to drive me home after breaking the beer pong table, they told me I was welcome back tonight though...
My roomate has me out looking for easter kegs hidden arround town
The lady at walmart just said she is so happy im still alive....Was i that drunk on the 4th? Dont answer that
I'm not snubbing your weed I just had a really important rack of ribs to get home to
I don't get it. If he broke into Taco Bell at 2 am, then why couldn't he have brought me home a fucking taco???
HE IS. YOU SHOULD TOUCH HIS BACK.
IT IS A COURTSHIP RITUAL.
THE MUTUAL BUTT TOUCH IS SACRED.
Randomize
