you kept telling everyone that you were the mayor of silverware town
he keeps his weed in a birkenstock shoe box. its like, we get it, youre from oregon.
where are you?
sonic
Good. I hungoveredly cleaned your room. This is what being married is going to be like. I pick the condoms up off the floor and you bring home the hot dogs.
Do 'mystery' cracked ribs heal any quicker than regular ones?
Of course he did. He is like the oprah winfrey for vaginas. Always giving that shit away.
According to this USDA thing I just read, I should either get upper respiratory issues or begin to bleed from my nose and mouth.
I will not remember tonight for the most part. This text will be evidence. You can and probably will use this against me.
She's currently upstairs fucking her boyfriend while I am downstairs making them a sex playlist watching her boyfriend's Weiner dog and large Boxer try and mount each other. Marvin Gaye is playing. This is the ultimate third wheel fail.
I tried to stop that, but then I pulled the leaves out of my panties and went to sleep.
I forgot to pack a bra for work today...you would not believe the extremes i've had to go through in order to keep these nips from my coworkers
To confirm, you are a grown ass man and you just asked me what her vag looked like.
I suppose we should both be prepared for the secret service to come visit us after this conversation. Hi NSA.
30-degree weather + Metal Cockring Monday = really hard to pee.
I could not add him. He gets 5 likes on Instagram.
You started singing Baby Shark, screamed you have no idea how it goes, then somehow turned the beat into Bohemian Rhapsody
Randomize
