He came through my line today and bought designer impostor perfume, just for men gel, and astroglide. I almost DIED.
even in my darkest moments, having another person eat my jizz would make me smile
LMAO!!! just remembered you said this to me last night. "sometimes you post too many Jesus tweets. It's not that that's really bad... But I roll my eyes and you should know that."
I was drunk but it's true
he said no girl had ever swallowed his cum before
he probably also told you he thought u were pretty
I had a party to get rid of booze. Woke up with even more. Will do this till I can open a liquor store
shes still asleep dad put a lobster in her bathroom
Nope it's him. He's whispering to himself and buying asparagus.
Tomorrow morning i will black in to find a christmas tree in my room that i dont remember how i got. I love college
i mean, what better way to remind him of his failures in life than to fuck his roommate/fraternity brother?
Not sure how I feel about St Psts and March Madness being on the same weekend. I feel like I've been screwed out of a drunk holiday.
I feel like I should have backed off when "I love you" came out on the third date. Now I'm in her bed wondering which door my shrine is behind. Fuck.
My mom comes home from her weekend with her lesbian co-workers and asks "You wanna know how I got these bruises?" I've never been more torn about anything EVER.
Well, he asked what my sign was, then proceeded to critique me on my beer pong stance... I really need to raise my standards.
I woke up with masking tape on my nipples this morning........... WHY DO BAD THINGS HAPPEN TO GOOD PEOPLE
We got cut off at a bar at 4pm. We aren't human
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