Um, that's called prostitution
Not if I leave it on the nightstand, then it's called cab money
Yea...coming from the girl who didn't understand why m&ms and tequila wasn't a "suitable diet"
i pretended i was deaf and got a girl to come home with me
I may or may not be taking a bath listening to the Phantom of the Opera. This lovely moment brought to you by xanax.
I just spend twenty minutes scrubing the "Happy Birthday" off of my vagina. He's never gonna forget this.
we went from five shot glasses to three in one night. we lost 'badass' and gumbi, but the ninja turtle survived. courtney says to avoid any more casualties we're not allowed to use shot glasses past 1am. and we're not allowed to throw them
how are things with the new girl?
good, we have nothing in common but she likes being choked
Apparently this is my life now. Fucking men in their 30s with small dogs.
Dude I sat in the corner of the party bobbing my head and singing danger zone
You were drink-wine-from-the-bottle drunk trying to take everybody's blood pressures again.
I was figuring I'd break up with her after work, but before Taco Tuesday
Everyone is coupling up and I'm just excited the bartender gives me enough attention to order more shots.
So anyways, we returned the toilet paper and decided to use the money for taco bell and slurpees instead...
Just opened my sisters laptop to "cute places to lose my virginity" googled last
Sober sex is weird like I didn't expect this when I got clean
Randomize
