when my dick couldnt get hard she said "fly on little wing"
she was talking to me but i could help but stare at the extremely long hairs on her boobs. then she says, "your looking at the hair on my boobs aren't you"
You went to church with your boobs hanging out?
Theyr'e a gift from god, I figured I should show him i'm using them well.
It would be been irresponsible not to make cleaning the apartment into a drinking game
Just saw a woman walking a golden retriever and a vacuum down the road. I miss downtown.
My gynecologist inadvertently complimented your penis.
WE'RE FINALLY ADMITTING THAT WE DESPERATELY WANT TO SCREW EACH OTHER. THIS IS WHAT PROGRESS FEELS
Just retrieve me from the bathroom floor when you're done
I'm at a gyno in Japan. Safe to say every possible rule of etiquette is about to be broken. Buckle up, motherfuckers.
I'm convinced he's the patron saint of oral sex
My brother and I have had one conversation in the past like 3 weeks and it was about what it would be like as a sentient butt plug
You know it's a pretty bad night when an injured penis is not the worst thing that happened to you. Fuck tequila
Btw, you owe me. One (1) orgasm.
Also epiphany: I gotta quit fucking with dudes that have never seen Harry Potter. They all turn out to be shitheads who probably eat honeydew.
MY TITS JUST CAUSED A CAR ACCIDENT ON THE HIGHWAY! i kid you not!! i thinl the giy is actually dead
Randomize
