my brain is sober enough to have a conversation.. but my arms feel nice
i was just outside smoking and i saw a hooker sing "i wish i knew who your daddy was" to her new born baby. someone explain to me why i ever left chicago to go to college...
Dude, I found out the hard way that she wipes back to front. I ate her out and had to throw up.
My birthing hips are way to big to be around all these juveniles.
CONQUERED: Sean from next door. Just wanted to let you know ;)
How many people did you send this to?
my hippie aunt just sent me some brownies with a note saying not to eat them under any circumstances until finals are over. excited.
We convinced you to take a shot out of the sponge...there were still suds in it.
Oh you're gonna love this story. I almost cut off a little girl's pony tail.
Monday morning margarita madness at ny house. Yes before wheel of fortune. Yes day drinking.
Please acknowledge the sock on the door. If not it will be rammed up your ass.
Just an FYI if we break up I'm going to sleep with your cousin or who ever my dealer is.
My roommate just caught me cleaning a tostitos queso jar with my hand and eating it. He didn't judge. Bonding moment.
oh so have I but I'd still suck a dick or 20 in the name of freedom.
And by "have lunch together" you mean me giving you a blow job in the back of your Tahoe, right?
I have a whole new respect for her. She chugged half a bottle of jack daniels, and then peed all over his wall. Serves him right.
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