I got so high last night I started crying because i couldn't stop thinking about how scary space is
just got waxed at a place I havent been to in a while
woman didnt remember me then in the middle of waxing she announced that she just didnt recognize my face
The mexican place next the the funeral home has dollar margaritas, our grandfather would want us to act on this... trust me i know.
new hobby: convincing random sorority girls around campus that we hooked up last weekend. i'm 2 for 5.
17 year olds will be the death of me.
thought i was the most hungover person in class until i saw a kid puke into his bookbag...he wins
he actually said the words "do you want to pet the lizard?" with a straight face as he unzipped his pants
Just climbed to the top of a frozen waterfall! Do you want to do drugs tm night? The two are unrelated.
My date just wheeled me home in a shopping cart but it was normal
So stoned i forgot i was in bed
So I pull up to an apartment complex and immediately felt like I was here to get stoned.
He accidentally opened the car door during sex and all the lights came on. Needless to say, that kid passing by who was walking his dog got scarred for life.
We hooked up and then we watched game of thrones while he fed me chocolate. I don't see how our benafriendship is a bad thing.
I think God is sending me all these 20 year olds to make up for wasting my 20's in that crappy ass marriage. Thanks Big Guy!
you were on all fours in the front yard puking, but managed to hand the pizza delivery guy a beer and to have a nice day.
Randomize
