I got drunk at the beach today. I got the word Badass! tatooed all the way across my foot. Probably a bad idea.
drug dealer added me on facebook, win ?
omg no way im finding him!
he has no pics of his face, and im always drunk so i cant remember if hes cute or not, but he told me im in his phone as "party girl" which is fitting i guess cause im dragging my hungover ass to buy preggo tests, and i had to get the cheap ones cause i blew all my cash on coke.
So I don't have any furniture but we just skateboard drunk around the floor.
I dunno... she just cried a lot and I kept sighing.
This pizza tastes like mashed potatoes. HOW HIGH DO YOU THINK I AM?
Going to get yelled at but I labeled the reel "four dried up sluts decide going to the middle east to shop during a war is the best idea ever"
Drunk. I slept-stripped.
By myself.
I just feel like I should give it a rest. I'm too old to be drinking bottles of grey goose and falling into koi ponds.
Its not the fact that i woke up wearing a tutu that bugs me its the fact that i have 75 photos of me wearing a tutu on facebook
My chiropractor just high fived me for getting drunk enough to throw my back out this weekend.. Life. Complete.
I was thrusting to the beat of Felix Navidad..
Today, I lack passion for anything but Taco Tuesday.
Listen here, Ms. "I'm Gonna Get Super Drunk and Run From My Friends Screaming That They Were Going to Drag Her to a Scientology Recruitment Camp"...
Cancelling your gym membership calls for alcohol.
Don’t eat the Doritos. Jeff was eating them while he was watching porn
Randomize
