Nothing screams don't date me louder then having your baby as your profile pic
Drinking vodka straight out of a beer bottle because I don't want to be judged. Not my best idea and not my worst.
YOU COME FROM SAD WHALE FAMILY, DEEP IN OCEAN!
Me too. We could do it like prostitutes. No kissing on the mouth.
After you tried speaking to him in whale you asked if you could see his "blow hole." That's how bad it was.
He sent me a mirror pic of himself and sent it to me and all i could think about was the amazing bong hits i took with his roommate in that bathroom.
Hopefully my orange shoes will distract people's attention from my crippling awkwardness
If there was a build-a-penis, I would build that penis.
I fell asleep while studying last night and woke up smelling like whiskey and sex... words can not describe how confused I am
we could do so many fantastic illegal things together. sexually and otherwise.
Exactly best part of my night he took of his shirt and surprise traveler fanny pack
Every time I'm hungover I just want to watch Harry Potter and cry.
It tasted better than Jesus's hair.
I'm perplexed as to why anyone on this planet is straight
Doing shots with my high school valedictorian. Bucket list
Randomize
