I tried to use my car keys to open my door
I just started a sentence with yellow.
You want to go to a white party at LAX
Clubs are lame especially themed ones. Im not in a fucking episode of laguna beach
I just watched a trucker jack off to a picture of Ellen DeGeneres at a truck stop in Nebraska.
No - a douche bag is not a fashion accessory. They do not make Gucci Douchebags
...you put a chicken patty in my toaster last night..
if you can see her tanning goggle line that's officially a deal breaker
And then he asked the cop "shall i shut off the lady gaga?" as he was being frisked.
its taking every last moral i have not to steal this bike
you still have morals?
Well actually itd just be too hard to ride the bike with this large rake i just stole
... Already stepped in vomit and got a dirty look from a fat in a neck brace
I'm wearing a shirt that says "birthday girls #1 homo" ...what has my life come to?
But seriously, I hug most of my drug dealers.
Today is National Blunt Day in the Great State of Me. Come ovah
I HAVE 5 FELTING NEEDLES AND THEYRE GOING DIRECTLY INTO YOUR EYES IF YOU POST THAT SHIT
I miss your drunken presence, and strong odor of hard liquor and potent weed.
You ever fart so hard it made you cum a little? A "friend of mine" wanted to know.
Randomize
