If I'm having a dream where I'm having sex and I can actually feel it between my legs because I've had a lot of it recently, does that make me a whore?
I have a feeling this is a serious question. Problem solve, Jess.. I'm going to let you figure that one out on your own
i'll give you all the meat in my fridge in exchange for 2 condoms.
Dude I just figured out the mystery flavor of airhead is vodka sprite, no way i'm wrong
She threw up in my garbage can last night and walked home with it this morning so she could clean it out...
She is dropping it off on the way to the bar at 7.
I just got turned down by a drunk fat chick. At my own birthday party. God hates me.
Awkwardly walking by your fuck buddy and waving a casual hi in his direction like nothing has happened is probably the best thing in my life
I pretty much told him I was too sober for this an just walked away and all I heard was "IT'S BECAUSE IM A BAD KISSER ISN'T IT" OVER AND OVER AGAIN
i had a super strange, mommy/daddy issuestastic, mildly freudian, i-might-as-well-become-a-stripper-now-and-stop-fighting-the-inevitable dream last night :(
I just hope I don't wheeze during sex
Is there a greeting card for "I can't keep being The Other Woman"?
oh i see... well this is a positive first step in you courting him for sex.
I was taking this cougar home in the middle of the night I walked across the hall all naked to take a piss and ran into to some chick from highschool she said no way you are fucking my mom ran into her moms room and started yelling at her
Sorry I’m late. Got horny watching the traffic report and had to rub one out
The only good thing about being back at work is supply room boom boom with my office husband
At some point i am going to say to you "i have this really bad idea! You in? " just go with it.
Randomize
