my three year anniversary of no dick sucking is coming up. you can throw me a party with a penis cake.
He is offering to pay me back by sending me a dick pic.
.......................................
My thoughts exactly.
It was around the time I started requesting "big girl straws" from the bartender for my jack and diets, that I knew I'd probably wake up with my sunglasses on and find my wallet in the shower.
thanks. im glad you find me better in your comparison between me and fat girl porn.
Is it just me or did a policeman park your car last night?
He won't ever take me seriously if I keep getting drunk and hooking up with all his friends.
Drunk at ten am watching Californication re runs. Being divorced rules.
That would make regret #10
He was more like the original regret
I just ran your car into a ups truck....but on a up note I have a handle of fireball and breakfast burritos
Is there a polite/non-lush way to ask how alcohol ranks on their list of priorities? Because like idk how to break the ice furreal.
But what I'm actually thinking about is how everyone except me had sex on my bed this weekend and now I'm just sleeping in it with a 7 foot tall blue panda
I lost the right to judge tonight
How does it feel to date your dad?
I need to find a more reliable booty-call so I can start dating people and take it slow.
you yelled, puked and cried then passed out in the fetal position in your underwear
Randomize
