so my mom just told me that she wouldnt pick me up and take us to taco bell at 3AM...
The only reason I'm still around is so I can grow a huge Gandalf beard when my hair turns gray
I was so high i believed someone when they told me le moyne beat syracuse
I'm still amazed at how you managed to puke in every plant on the whole top floor at the mall without a single person noticing and without missing a step.
Somehow she slept thru the vacuuming, people walking in and out, and the sound of constant beer bottles hitting the trash, but when someone said weed in a regular volume of voice she startled awake.
I owe you 20 bucks. My blood work did show liver damage.
he's dressed up as pikachu 3 fucking years in a row and gotten laid each time. i don't understand
my mom found me passed out in the kitchen floor with the Brita pitcher.. Happy Mothers Day
Shits getting dirty between us in her dad's bedroom. I'm talking early millennium rap and r&b
I've woke up with the same hoodie on backwards, twice this week. I think that's a record
Are u guys proud? I puked my brains out last night at a strip club. While my two fave strippèrs held my hair
I can't wait to get home and drunk cuddle your dog
I got myself off in the shower last night for the first time ever! I just looked like I was playing a game of twister.
Okay, this next statement may sound like a red flag but I'm tellin you, shotgunning those two beers really helped me love my child more effectively. Honest.
Just saw Little Red Riding Hood riding a guy on hood of a car
Good for her for committing to the costume
Randomize
