Update from family reunion: my aunt Janet once got her legs stuck behind her head. The fire department had to be called.
this is amzing! feels like my body is having sex with its surroundings!
i found literally half of a double sided dildo in my shower. i guess someone went home happy.
The is a pregnant woman in this Chipolte wearing a shirt that simply says ‘OOPS!’ across the tummy.
That baby is bound to be under-loved.
Hey we met at the bar a week ago. Your friend gave me a rose and you asked about my nipples.
Remember that time we got drunk tomorrow
You screamed at oncoming traffic , "five dollars to punch this guy in taint!".
My pants are like a grocery bag containing ONLY jelly beans right now.
WHY DO I KEEP FINDING CHICKEN THROUGHOUT THE HOUSE? GET YOUR ASS HOME NOW!
Letting Freddy Krueger eat me out = HAPPY HALLOWEEN TO ME!!!
And thanks for putting me in that safety position on the bathroom floor while I was spooning the toilet
you were so high you asked for half double stack and half crispy chicken sandwich "welded together" in the wendy's drive through
I've been trying to masturbate for the longest time now and so far I've accomplished getting tangled in my computer battery cord and phone charger and hitting my knee on my laptop.
so i'm with my friends driving on the highway and just saw a guy in the car next to us sucking on a dildo. can't make this shit up.
I mean, who hasn’t been fingered in there back of an Uber?
Randomize
