make sure you eat your skittles last so when you barf you can barf RAINBOWS.
I'm glad you enjoy my eating disorder so much.
Pretty sure that I got the MVP of wedding reception... woke up on the bench in the hallway of a hotel and we did NOT start the night there.
This lumberjack with a huge beard is doing his group presentation in a dirty t shirt that says "I'm only 2 girls short of a threesome"
I called him and he said hell call me back hes in the middle of his kareokee song he was out by himself and his dog
He just got here and all he's wearing is a cloth over his penis.
I'll uninvite my mom
I never thought I'd say this, but I think I just saw the hottest pregnant chick alive.
I spent 10 minutes contemplating condensation on grapes this morning.
Maybe is for pussies. We only say yes in this household
Well after the shots I danced with a homeless guy, split my toe on broken glass, and had a 20 piece mcnugget. Who says postgrad life is boring.
I can't believe you won 5 grand from the casio last night and spent more than 80% on tacobell and strippers already
i refuse to sex anyone who doesn't get my lord of the rings references. no exceptions.
you don't understand it took me an hour and a half to escape that bed, I had to memorize his sleeping patterns.
Consider yourself lucky. If I ever run into my ex, all I'll be able to think is, "I let you pee on me and lead me around on a leash."
I'm more than my video games and dildo collection
So I got a text from him saying "jacking off...thinking of you" I think I'm going to get a restraining order
Randomize
