so i just googled the prescription for aldara i saw on your desk this morning...
That fat broad you banged out last night is still here and I can hear her snoring through the living room wall. I would leave, but I don't want to come home to an empty fridge.
Im at a strip club, and the dancer just farted into my face. The bad part about that is I could taste the wings I bought her earlier
You tried to call the hospital and left a voicemail asking if you could be put on the liver transplant list as a "pre-caution"
If I knew losing weight would mean this many fucking creepers I would've just stayed fat.
I woke up to the sound of a beer can being opened. I love him already
So my girlfriend used a threesome to tell me she wanted to leave me for a girl... Not entirely sure how I should feel about that.
Before attempting to fly away into the night you asked me to take care of your sister. I agreed.
I would never do this in real life. It's only college.
Just saw a huge group of people walk by in there in their underwear. Too stoned for this.
At one point I thought we were going to have to fuck our way out of their apartment
I'm responsible for my client's overall well-being. Which is terrifying coming from someone that can't stop masturbating and eats leftover pizza just about everyday.
Well you should have thought of that before you were reckless with your butt
IM ON THE WEIRD DRUGS AND I JUST SAW THAT TOM HARDY THING NOW I WANT TO HUMP
I know you think you’re ready to graduate but just keep these things in mind: taxes, I get up at 5 AM every morning, I have to buy vegetables when I go grocery shopping, and I can’t wear sweat pants to work. Take that victory lap and enjoy the sweat pants and bar hopping because it goes downhill real quick.
Randomize
