Came home and the girl was sitting on the steps "talking" on her ipod touch AND was halfway done eating a raw cucumber.
There's a show on bravo about fat people dancing. FAT PEOPLE. DANCING.
This is god's gift to the unemployed.
i've come to the conclusion that there is no classy way to apply chloroseptic spray to your butthole.
So did the night end well for you?
I stole a traffic cone and drunk texted my sister because i couldn't think of any other girl to text
There is a guy standing at my bar right now wearing an affliction SUIT. I can't wait on him.
The girl in the white might have stds. I'm strangely okay with this.
I made one of my coworkers cheers to me not being pregnant. I've never talked to him before tonight. Keeping it classy.
You just put lesbians and Hogwarts in the same sentence. Of course I'm in.
My desire to pee is a lot higher than my need to be buzzed right now.
She doesn't even give a fuck about angle. I seriously gotta start doing like penis yoga or something.
Is it day drinking when the suns up like when does that start
asking for a friend
I just peed on myself the semester has officially began.
I just made out with his twin, technically it's the same person..... Right?
My liver has officially said "fuck this shit" and escaped from my body.
We got high, had sex, and watched retro scooby doo shows. Best friends with benefits yet.
Randomize
