I just masturbated mid-day, thinking of you
I think that is one of the most romantic things I have ever heard from a fuck buddy on v-day, there is a strong possibility that you will soon be my girlfriend.
I think I'm going to inject the gummy vitamins with vodka
I'm glad you're using your medical degree for some good for once
Just got a picture message from my sister of the two of us wearing cowboy hats and pressing our bare asses together. Do you remember enough to explain?
i feel like i got punched in the cervix. he's a little different in bed than i thought he would be..
Just had a shirt made that says "I'm sorry" going to wear it every sat and sun morning for the foreseeable future
Responsible roommate: 1. Someone who takes a huge shit at work so as not to clog the toilet at home.
Apparently getting drunk at a philanthropy event and tweeting about it is "frowned up"
whats our policy on dating high schoolers?
we dont have a policy but im pretty sure the state of michigan does
Is it weird that I want to have sex wearing my glasses and lab coat while having an actual scientific discussion?
...You tried to use your wallet to call her after you gave your cell phone to the cab driver as a "peace offering"
I feel bad for her. If you sacrifice and have a chubby husband I feel that you assume he's not going to cheat on you....
My joke about liking my coffee like I like my men IS ABOUT TO COME TRUE.
I'm glad you had fun with your genitals.
I plan to try out my new vibrator and watch Star Trek: The Next Generation. It's a busy night.
You really need to stop getting injured so often it's really starting to negatively impact my sex life. Oh and get well soon. . . no seriously though hurry the fuck up.
Randomize
