11:03 p.m. Whats a lie i you lovn me. Let's cuddle.
in the car goin home for fam dinner and he is silent... i think he realized how big of a whore his little sister is
so I told him I hadn't been laid since Bush was president. Right after he cums, he says "Welcome to the Obama Administration".
Check that he is NOT ok. He just heated up SoCo and used it as syrup on his pancakes.
He's drunk and putting on a tie for the jimmy john's delivery guy
Yeah getting kicked out of the bar at 1 pm really set the tone for the day.
It's like he's trying to get head in every car except his.
Meeting relatives from another state drenched in tequila and smelling of weed. I'm gonna kill you for soaking the only bra I brought in Jose Cuervo Gold.
Don't. You get on the 18 year old. I'll get on the 38 year old. Together we will bridge 2 decades of cock.
We were so hungover we fell asleep in Goodyear waiting for them to fix her car. At 4 in the afternoon on a Sunday. The workers apparently didnt want to vacuum because they didn't want to wake us.
One of the annoying girls in my 7 AM class showed up drunk for her 21st birthday and just auctioned off her fake ID.
my mom asked if I found my Easter basket. it's 1PM & I got home an hour ago from last night. if I'm looking for anything, it's my dignity.
did the thing where I quickly swipe right to every girl on Tinder & matched with my sis. God I hope swiping carelessly is hereditary
Oh BTW the next time I see you I don't care where we are your dick will be going into some part of my body.
How you run into a glAss door three times in a row I do not know
Randomize
