i would punch a child for taco bell
Unless I'm getting a singing midget telegram, I'm not going to smile
ok now this is the second time he's reffered to recieving a blow job as 'getting his pee pee sucked'
I just farted in the dogs face to show him who's boss
I hate it when hot girls behave. It's so anticlimactic
They're having chugging contests. With juice. Please get me out of Utah.
I love memorial day. It's drinking in the name of patriotism. God Bless America
I wasn't sure if "you're even prettier in the dark" was a compliment. Hmm.
I'd say it's a shame and a disservice to the world that we can't stay drunken shitshows to infinity
It felt like he was juggling my kidneys with the head of his penis... If you could even call it that, it was more like a lochness monster. Huge and mythical.
How did you get a free t-shirt at the strip club?
I was attacked by whores
You threw up on yourself again didn't you?
They were strong whores
Don't blame me. I told you I didn't know if I had a key to those hancuffs.
All those movies are bullshit, there is no way to run down a line of parked cars, they`re too far apart. my faces hurts so much right now
Driving home this morning in my minion costume makes me rethink the 0 tint on my windows.
At some point the phrase "I've hit rock bottom" stopped having a meaning and became my general state of life
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