What do you think that old couple was thinking when they saw me puking in the QT parking lot at ten in the morning?
the last thing i remember is inserting the sippy stray into the jack daniel's.
I started making my dollar bills into rings for the strippers
I have just figured that it takes exactly 2 and a half rums to clean the bathroom..
He didn't dress up but kept finding random pieces of costumes on the floor at each club. He was an 80s hair band warrior at the end of the night.
he was inside of, then got up said "we don't want you having a baby," grabbed his car keys and left. so now i'm just sitting on his bed, wondering if he's coming back.
I deleted his number so I had to go into my old voicemails which are saved through my gmail and search his name... Never underestimate the resourcefulness of a drunk girl on a mission for dick
Wednesday is my day of reflection and making my dick and balls into shapes. So i'll be pretty busy.
I didn't know your ex looked like a male Khloe Kardashian?
Quick how do you hit on a guy in the car behind you? It's important.
When you glanced over and and mouthed "I'll take the fat chick" I knew it was going to be an epic Sunday night.
A place where it's acceptable to show body parts is not a good place for me to be.
Bring me pizza. I'll trade you your underwear you left here for 2 slices.
you drug him to get him horny then deny him sex. freaks.
you missed a good time last night.
you texted me at 10 telling me to come fuck you, that says enough.
Randomize
