he is so obsessed with the fact that he works at Apple
i know, its like he jerks off to steve jobs
We're listening to the crystal method and doing bong hits for jesus
How are you texting me from 1998?
i don't understand how she was down there for so long, she's like a mermaid, a blowjob giving mermaid.
What's the appropriate I've been inside you but we're not technically dating valentines present?
The pride tent is doing free lube tastings. There is also a mechanical bull.
It's going to take a while to see a dick pic that I enjoy more than richs helicopter video
I remember key bumps, porn and a mom in my bed. Sums up my day.
that is an amazing summary hahaha
Are you two whores ready for me to turn the light on so you can see what you came home with last night?
Yuck. My throat feels like someone chucked a couple of Maltov cocktails down it and finished it off with a super soaker filled with Jameson.
today i was walking through gramercy with a dress bag from David's Bridal and a bag of McDonald's. No guy would make eye contact with me as I scarfed down my fries. I think I was mankind's walking night terror.
All I found in my purse this morning was 160 cigarettes and a fistful of confetti.
I've decided that buying my first unused mattress has been my first major step into real adulthood.
But really, someone with a penis give me attention before I start posting nudes on Instagram.
You start to question your party girl tendencies when you're wearing the same shirt you wore the night before to work and you're trying to get last nights Jell-O shot off the sleeve on your way to work
Me my naked body. You bring the paints. I expect to be a panther by game time Sunday.
What do I get.
Panthers win you get to fuck the paint off me.
Randomize
