So there is a chick dressed up in a vagina costume handing out free condoms next to the dude handing out free Bibles and preaching about sin. I love college.
She is only going home with him in hopes to give him herpes. She has been plotting some master revenge since 7th grade.
This is how we made chicken soup last night: Whole chicken in a pot of vodka with a box of crackers and some carrots. We should go pro.
Him cheating on his girlfriend resulted in a $1500 hospital bill from repeated blows to his testicles by my ass. They diagnosed his pain as "testicle trauma". Sex karma at it's finest.
Dude I just ripped my new jeans climbing out the window so his booty call wouldn't realize I was home. Being his roommate should come with hazard pay
Me and this 7 year old almost finished a large pizza. And when I say me and this 7 year old I really mean me.
My friends son got stung by a jellyfish over the weekend and we seriously stood there debating on whether or not we should pee on this toddler.
I'm 99% sure I just puked glitter. Wine drunk Mondays shouldn't be a thing.
I put ketchup in a girls hair last night. I need a sorry balloon
Well my summer has already been productive. I partially caused a divorce.
I've now fucked in every motel room in this small town.
Hey, I'm 22. I'm allowed to have a sex life and you're going to hear about it.
Great litmus test for what a useless adult you are: amount of shame you feel while eating a coffee cup of Fruity Pebbles
Quickly hiding the condom wrappers, ropes, and handcuffs right before the parents arrive to help with moving out? Priceless.
He's a waste of a perfectly good penis.
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