i was drunk and our names rhymed...what was i supposed to do?
There was an audience eating triscuts and bananas in the bathroom while watching him puke. It was a good birthday.
it's kind of slutty but what the hell, so are we
Apparently one comment in my womens studies class cockblocks yourself for an entire semester.
Don't ask how or why, but I think the 775 on the inside of my lip is permanent
LOOK AT MY HAIR, DOES THIS LOOK LIKE THE HAIR OF A PERSON WHO HAS HER LIFE TOGETHER?
I think he just caught a duck in mid flight
Faking my way through an entire party as a British exchange student. Wish me luck.
What exactly do I say to a random stoner hookup to thank him for ending my dry spell? Is it awkward to just say "Thanks for that. It was well needed."
They're magnificent. It's like god made her last but hadn't fulfilled his boob quota.
He came over apologized for his lack of sexual skills. Cleaned my kitchen cooked me dinner. And gave me another one minute stand. I think im okay with this
Didn't think the day of being the oldest in a club would be when I'm twenty one. Even the bouncer looked surprised when he ID me.
Apparently I offered the cop my Taco Bell.
Desperate times...
Ugh im hungover from last night, and to top it all off, I think someone jacked my laptop.
umm ya, so we found it in the oven wrapped in a pillow case this morning
Fuck the walk of shame. I make this shit glorious.
The fact that you arent wearing shoes probably just adds to the classiness
Condom wrapper stuck to my shirt ups the anty
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